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Dangerzone 39
Midnight Lightning: Dude, you are a loser. Just look at you. The Jobber Championship means that you can't win. It's pathetic... you suck man!

Stumpie: I've still won more matches in the TWO than you. I mean look at you, you've been in the TWO longer than I have and who have you accidentally beaten? Nobody.

Midnight Lightning: NO! One time I beat... uh... oh I pinned... no wait he pinned me... well there was the time I... no wait, that was a dream I had... OK, well, I can't think of anything right now, but that doesn't mean it never happened. I've won matches before.

Crowd: Come on, fight already, we didn't come here to listen to you bitch at each other all night.

Stumpie: FINE!!!

Midnight Lightning: I guess these people can't understand the purpose of a good tongue lashing.

Stumpie: Dude! That is sick!

Referee: Is somebody going to fight here, or should I take a nap?

Stumpie: Listen here man! There's enough of me to go around!

Midnight Lightning: And around, and around, and around--

Stumpie: Shut UP!

Fan: I'm going to the bathroom man. Somebody tell me if the show starts.

Announcer: We're sorry folks. Maybe we'll try this match again next week.


{Backstage}
Kamikaze barges into Paramecium's office/dressing room.

Kamikaze: Listen we need to talk.

Paramecium: What the hell? Who are you?

Kamikaze: I'm the guy you fought a few weeks ago at EXTRAVAGANZA III in the infamous World Title Control of the TWO Match!

Paramecium: Oh yeah, what's up, I haven't seen you the last few weeks.

Kamikaze: That's because Scott Thunder is trying to get rid of me. He claims that he can fire me because I lost the match against you at EXTRAVAGANZA III and that I signed some kind of contract before hand giving Scott control of my career.

Paramecium: I thought I heard something about that. How are you taking it?

Kamikaze: Not real well, I attacked the Acronyms at a bar last week at Dangerzone 38.

Paramecium: Good for you. So what are you doing here?

Kamikaze: Well, you're the CEO, I was wondering if you could tell me about the state of my contract here. Is Thunder making this stuff up or does he really have a case?

Paramecium: It appears to me that the contract he had you sign is perfectly legitimate.

Kamikaze: Then can you reinstate me or something? Right me a new contract?

Paramecium: After everything you put me through? Give me a break I've got better things to do than help out people that side with the enemy.

Kamikaze: But don't you see, everything with me and Thunder is over now. He squatted on me, and now I'm screwed. I had the bastard! Now you and I are in the same boat. We're the same. Now you and I have a common enemy in Scott Thunder. Work with me. Help me get revenge on him.

Paramecium: Are you proposing some kind of partnership?

Kamikaze: I guess you could say that.

Paramecium: I guess, I should be flattered. But I'm not. Listen, this stuff you got into with Thunder is between you and him, and it's going to stay between you and him. I have better things to do, like worry about Stratus. So why don't you do me a favor and figure this out for yourself, and leave me alone.

Kamikaze: Fine, I don't need you, I don't need anybody. I guess all I can do is find a new career.

Paramecium: Actually, you may not know this but. In every wrestling contract, including the one you signed with Thunder, it states, that nothing is final. In fact, anything that you don't like about any contract or any other wrestler can be settled in a winner take all match. So, you don't have to take this lying down. Challenge Thunder to a match. And if you win, you may be able to free yourself of his control.

Kamikaze: Thanks man, I don't care what the other guys say about you: You're all right. (Kamikaze leaves)

Paramecium: Hey, what are the other guys saying about me?


{Lightheavyweight Tournament Opening Round Match}
Acronym member PAB vs. Justice League member Gus the Annihilator
Winner: PAB



{Lightheavyweight Tournament Opening Round Match}
Acronym member DMS vs. 'Cunning' Chris
Winner: DMS



{Afterward}
DMS: Hey PAB, isn't it great that we both won our first Lightheavyweight Tournament Matches?

PAB: Was there any doubt? We're both former Lightheavyweight Champions and are currently part of the best group in the history of the TWO. Who would dare doubt our abilities?

DMS: But PAB, what if later on in the tournament you and I had to fight each other?

PAB: That's not going to happen.

DMS: How do you know?

PAB: Because next week at Dangerzone 40, when the semifinal's to the tournament are held, you are going to fight Allen Vector and I am going to fight Spaz.

DMS: But if we both win, like we did today, then we'll have to face each other in the finals at the BIG BAD BATTLE.

PAB: That won't happen though.

DMS: How do you know?

PAB: Because you're not going to beat Allen Vector next week.

DMS: Why do you say that?

PAB: I just know.

DMS: But I beat 'Cunning' Chris!



{Backstage}
Paramecium: Yeah, Pimpman, that hoe you gave me last night was great!

Arabian Pimpman: I thought you would like her.

Paramecium: Hey did you check out that cartoon I put in the TWO Cartoon's website with you and Scott Thunder?

Arabian Pimpman: Yeah, it was funny.

Paramecium: I thought you might like it.

Arabian Pimpman: That really happened too.

(enter Stratus)
Stratus: You know, I'm getting real sick of you guys and your antics. Last week you really pissed me off.

Paramecium: Not this guy again.

Arabian Pimpman: Tell me about it. He's more annoying than a spitting camel on PMS.

Paramecium: EW! That's sick!

Arabian Pimpman: I know!

Stratus: Look boys, when are you going to give me the match I want?

Paramecium: You want a match with a spitting camel on PMS?

Stratus: NO, I want--

Paramecium: Do you have a camel close by Pimpman.

Arabian Pimpman: Yeah, I have a camel outside right now.

Stratus: That's convenient.

Paramecium: I'll tell you what Stratus. I'll fight you at BIG BAD BATTLE 2001 for the World Heavyweight Championship, but you have to make it until then.

Stratus: That's fine with me.

Paramecium: Good, because tonight, for the first time ever in Sports Entertainment. You will have to take on a spitting camel on PMS.

Stratus: What? Are you on crack?

Paramecium: Personally I think that would be an entertaining match.

Arabian Pimpman: It's no walk in the park for those involved though.

Paramecium: Exactly.

Stratus: What the hell is this backyard wrestling federation coming to?


You heard right folks tonight, in the main event of Dangerzone 39 Stratus will take on a spitting Camel on PMS. And if he is successful, then we will see Stratus take on Paramecium for the World Title at the BIG BAD BATTLE 2001 Pay Per View.



{Mr. Malicious vs. Sinsyde}
Hell's Faction leader Sinsyde gets outside help by fellow Hell's Faction member Arachnid. Mr. Malicious tries to even the score by using his Ax and the match is quickly thrown out.


{Cadavor vs. Missy Maniac}
Missy Maniac wins the match by pinfall, when Natalya the She-Devil gives Cadavor a low blow when the Ref isn't looking. Afterward backstage Cadavor tells an interviewer that he is humiliated because he lost to a girl.


{Crack-Edd vs. Draco}
Crack-Edd retains his winning streak and claims to be well on his way to victory 100.


{Superbman vs. Army Dude}
Newcomer Superbman, who has been approached as of late by the Justice League, defeats Army Dude in singles competition. Afterward Wrestling Enforcer comes out to the ring and congratulates Superbman on defeating his arch rival. Superbman then reveals to the World that he has accepted the offer to take Father Athos' place in the Justice League.

{Backstage}
Father Athos tells the Justice League that they had better watch out, because he plans on teaching them a lesson for firing him from the group.


{Kamikaze calls out Scott Thunder}
Kamikaze challenges Scott Thunder to a match, and Scott Thunder accepts. The match will take place next week at Dangerzone 40. The special stipulation is that if Kamikaze wins, he can continue his career in the TWO as he sees fit and will be able to break all ties with Scott Thunder. If Scott Thunder win's he will have total control over Kamikaze's career.


{Main Event}
Stratus vs. Sitting Camel on PMS

Only in the TWO can you see... or should I say, read about, this type of a once in a lifetime match-up.

In this first time ever contest people tune in from around the world. Our largest audience being from the middle east. Over there they know the devastation that a pissed off spitting camel can cause.

Paramecium comes out to the ring and announces Arabian Pimpman, who leads the Camel into the ring. Pooper scoopers are standing by, in the event that this Camel may release any unsightly bodily excretions.

Stratus comes out to the ring, surprisingly wearing a full body suit, like an astronaught. Who knows where he got the suit on such short notice, but it will definitely come in handy in this kind of contest. Paramecium tries to claim that this type of suit is illegal ring wear, but Stratus and the referee both agree that this isn't a typical match and therefore typical rules do not apply.

Stratus starts off by attempting to put the animal in a headlock. It doesn't work, as the beast (and by 'beast' I mean the camel) just flung Stratus away and gave him a kick to the gut. Stratus came back, this time jumping onto the camels back. But the camel again, flung Stratus off. The more Stratus tried, the more he got flung away. But the camel didn't seem to interested in the match; it, for the most part, just stood there.

Stratus was started to get frustrated. The fans, being strongly behind Stratus began to start a chant to cheer him up. "Camel Sucks" "Camel Sucks" "Camel Sucks" "Camel Sucks" "Camel Sucks" "Camel Sucks" (and no this is not an antismoking commercial)

Finally the Camel became so enraged by the chant that it began running all around the backyard. Fans and spectators were running for their lives. The Camel was running around kicking people and spitting everywhere. One little girl tried to calm the beast by offering it a piece of candy, and the camel bit her hand right off.

Now Paramecium and the Arabian Pimpman were very worried because this was turning out to be worse for the fans than it was for Stratus. Paramecium attempted to rap his chain around the Camels neck as a leash. Instead the Camel used the chain as an opportunity to treat Paramecium like a yo-yo, pulling him and flinging him around as he saw fit.

Wrestlers came out of the back to try and restrain the beast, but it fought them off, by flinging Paramecium right into them. One by one, each wrestler was taken out by the projectile Paramecium.

Arabian Pimpman attempted to soothe the animal with some Middle Eastern rhythmic chanting, but that didn't help. The Camel spit in Pimpman's eyes, blinding him, and then gave him a firm kick to the nuts. (Somewhere backstage Wrestling Enforcer was heard laughing)

This continued for a few more minutes until Stratus was able to trip up the Camel with some well placed Barbed Wire. While the creature was attempting to regain her composure, Stratus cracked it upside the head a few times with a steal chair. The animal started to appear woozy. Stratus took the opportunity, and wrapped the animal in barbed wire from head to toe, rapping her legs to her body so that she couldn't move and resembled a Barbed Wire Camel Mummy.

The Camel could do nothing more than role around a little, until the barbed wire was so imbedded in the ground that it couldn't move at all.

The referee awarded the match to Stratus. Paramecium and Arabian Pimpman were taken to the hospital. And the Barbed Wire Camel Mummy was air lifted to the nearest zoo, where it received the best animal medical attention.

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