The Main Event is hosted by T.W.O. CEO Paramecium and President Scott Thunder. Today's guests were Korpral & Army Dude. You may remember that Korpral and Army Dude served together in the military.
After being discharged for homo-suspicion, Army Dude joined the T.W.O. and has been with us for several years. A few weeks back, at Dangerzone 87, Korpral joined the T.W.O. serving as moral support for Army Dude.
Paramecium: Scott Thunder and I would like to thank you both for joining us tonight. Our first question is for Army Dude. What is it like being re-united with an old friend like Korpral?
Army Dude: It's great babay! I love this man babay! He's like my compass babay! I don't know what I'd do without him babay!
Scott Thunder: Since Korpral joined the T.W.O. he's helped you (Army Dude) get your wrestling career back on track. You've begun winning matches again, both in singles and tag team action (with Korpral) and last week you even received a World Heavyweight Title shot.
Army Dude: What's the point babay?
Scott Thunder: I'm getting there. I'm just wondering what exactly is your relationship with Korpral? Are you friends? Business partners? Life partners?
Korpral: Let's get one thing straight!
Army Dude: Yes! You tell him babay! Get it straight! What do we need to get straight?
Korpral: Army Dude and I are not lovers!
Army Dude: What do you mean by "lovers"? I am not familiar with this term.
Scott Thunder: So you're telling me, you (Korpral) did not join the T.W.O. to get into Army Dude's pants?
Army Dude: He couldn't fit in to my pants if he wanted to babay! He's 5 sizes too big babay!
Paramecium: I think we've gone far enough with the in-depth probing!
Army Dude: Yes babay! Scott Thunder should stop probing babay!
Paramecium: Korpral, you asked for this interview today because you had something you wanted to say to Army Dude?
Korpral: That's right I did.
Army Dude: What is going on babay! Have you been hiding something from me babay?
Korpral: Army Dude, I don't know how to tell you this...
Army Dude: It's okay babay! You can tell me anything babay!
Korpral: Could you please stop shouting?
Army Dude: Sorry babay!
Korpral: I asked for this interview because when you were discharged from the military, nobody told you why. But I know why.
Army Dude: Why babay!
Korpral: Because I told the commanding officers that you were... that you were...
Army Dude: That I was...
Army Dude: How could I be hematological? I don't even know what that means.
Scott Thunder: It means that Korpral violated the "don't ask, don't tell" policy by telling the commanding officers that you are gay.
Army Dude: Oh. Well, of course I'm happy, there's a lot of stuff to be happy about in the military. There's the clothes, the food--
Scott Thunder: You don't understand. They were afraid that you were so light on your feet that you'd come out of your boots.
Paramecium: They thought if they dropped the soap in the shower, you'd see to it that they'd never be able to sit down again.
Korpral: They were afraid that you were going to wear a dress on the battlefield and distract all the privates.
Army Dude: I can't believe you would do this to me! I loved serving my country and you took that away from me! Why would you betray me like that!?
Korpral: Because. Everyone was making fun of you. You didn't realize it, but every time you left the room, guys were impersonating you and cracking jokes and they were planning on playing pranks on you, and I couldn't let them do that. I knew the only way to stop the ridicule was to have you discharged.
Army Dude: I didn't care what those ignorant guys did! All I cared about was that I was doing something I loved and felt good about and then I was gone! I was discharged, and it was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me babay!
Korpral: More humiliating then the jokes, the ridicule and the pranks?
Army Dude: More humiliating then everything combined! And it's your fault! I can't believe it! I'm outa' here!
Army Dude began balling like a girl and pranced away.
Paramecium: Why did you (Korpral) wait so long to tell him?
Korpral: I wanted to tell him sooner but I couldn't get up the nerve. When I came back from active duty, I turned on the TV and there he was, wrestling like a fruitcake, and constantly losing. I knew I had to do something to help him so I joined the T.W.O. and helped him get his career back on track. But it was eating me up inside. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't do it alone. Thank you for letting me be on your show.
Then Army Dude came prancing back to the ring.
Army Dude: Babay! I can't even look at you right now! But I have something to give you.
Army Dude handed Korpral a piece of paper then skipped away.
Paramecium: What does it say?
Korpral: It says that Army Dude has challenged me to a Bootcamp Match at Rage Party '03 next week and it's been signed by the T.W.O. Board of Commissioners!
Scott Thunder: I hate those guys!
Korpral: Wait, there's more. It says here, that "tonight, at Dangerzone 90, Paramecium & Scott Thunder will be in tag team action. Only, not as partners. Scott Thunder & Spaz will face Paramecium & Stryknieghn in a one-time-only tag team attraction in tonight's main event."
Paramecium: The Board of Commissioners must be crazy. Instead of paring me and you together, they're pairing us with our opponents at Rage Party '03!
Scott Thunder: What kind of @$$backwards match is that?
There you have it folks. Tonight, in a bizarre pairing Scott Thunder & Spaz will face Paramecium & Stryknieghn in tag team action. Then at Rage Party '03 next week, Army Dude and Korpral will fight in a Bootcamp Match!