The Druid vs. Superbman
Not only did The Druid defeat the superbhuman wrestler but continued pummeling him after the referee called for the bell. Eventually Zygoplath came to his friends rescue. It was later announced that The Druid & Zygoplath would compete at Rage Party '03.
Winner: The Druid
Tsunami barged into the dressing room of Women's Champion Missy Maniac.
Tsunami: Isa' bout time you giva' lessa' peopa' great Women's Championship Match. Tsunami hasa' beena' proveen herself for leek's. Now we'sa see who isa' greatest!
Missy Maniac: What's wrong with you? Will you get out of my dressing room already? I'm trying to get dressed here!
Tsunami: Prease, puta' soma' crose on! I no wanna' wresa' naked Women's Champion!
Missy Maniac: Get out, you noodle sucking perve!
A. Pimpman vs. W. Enforcer
If it seems like Supply & Demand have been feuding with Law & Order since our last PPV, it's because they have. In tonight's Lumberjack match, that feud continued as the match again broke down into a 5 man brawl. Suddenly, everything stopped as Wrestling Re-Enforcer lay screaming on the mat. Paramedics ran to the ring and carried him off.
It was announced that Wrestling Re-Enforcer had suffered a broken ankle during the malay. Officials tried to confine Supply & Demand (Arabian Pimpman & Crack-Edd) and Law & Order (Wrestling Enforcer & Narc) to their dressing rooms.
W. Enforcer: You sent my twin brother to the emergency room!
Crack-Edd: Good! That means at Rage Party '03, we don't have to worry about the three of you facing us in a handicapped match!
Narc: What are you talking about handicapped match?
A. Pimpman: Didn't you hear? The match has already been signed... Supply & Demand vs. Law & Order at Rage Party '03! And now that your brother is out of the equation, it looks like the fans will see a fair match-up.
W. Enforcer: You bastards! You will pay for what you did to my brother! YOU WILL PAY!!!
??? HaRdCoRe Championship ???
Skarekro vs. John Cynic
John Cynic and Skarekro put on one hell of a match for what they believed was a HaRdCoRe Title defense. Arachnid stood at ringside rooting on his protege' before attacking Skarekro's tag team partner Skavenger. When Skarekro saw what was happening to his little buddy, Cynic attacked him from behind, winning the match.
Winner: John Cynic
The Main Event is hosted by T.W.O. CEO Paramecium and President Scott Thunder. Today's guests were Korpral & Army Dude. You may remember that Korpral and Army Dude served together in the military.
After being discharged for homo-suspicion, Army Dude joined the T.W.O. and has been with us for several years. A few weeks back, at Dangerzone 87, Korpral joined the T.W.O. serving as moral support for Army Dude.
Paramecium: Scott Thunder and I would like to thank you both for joining us tonight. Our first question is for Army Dude. What is it like being re-united with an old friend like Korpral?
Army Dude: It's great babay! I love this man babay! He's like my compass babay! I don't know what I'd do without him babay!
Scott Thunder: Since Korpral joined the T.W.O. he's helped you (Army Dude) get your wrestling career back on track. You've begun winning matches again, both in singles and tag team action (with Korpral) and last week you even received a World Heavyweight Title shot.
Army Dude: What's the point babay?
Scott Thunder: I'm getting there. I'm just wondering what exactly is your relationship with Korpral? Are you friends? Business partners? Life partners?
Korpral: Let's get one thing straight!
Army Dude: Yes! You tell him babay! Get it straight! What do we need to get straight?
Korpral: Army Dude and I are not lovers!
Army Dude: What do you mean by "lovers"? I am not familiar with this term.
Scott Thunder: So you're telling me, you (Korpral) did not join the T.W.O. to get into Army Dude's pants?
Army Dude: He couldn't fit in to my pants if he wanted to babay! He's 5 sizes too big babay!
Paramecium: I think we've gone far enough with the in-depth probing!
Army Dude: Yes babay! Scott Thunder should stop probing babay!
Paramecium: Korpral, you asked for this interview today because you had something you wanted to say to Army Dude?
Korpral: That's right I did.
Army Dude: What is going on babay! Have you been hiding something from me babay?
Korpral: Army Dude, I don't know how to tell you this...
Army Dude: It's okay babay! You can tell me anything babay!
Korpral: Could you please stop shouting?
Army Dude: Sorry babay!
Korpral: I asked for this interview because when you were discharged from the military, nobody told you why. But I know why.
Army Dude: Why babay!
Korpral: Because I told the commanding officers that you were... that you were...
Army Dude: That I was...
Army Dude: How could I be hematological? I don't even know what that means.
Scott Thunder: It means that Korpral violated the "don't ask, don't tell" policy by telling the commanding officers that you are gay.
Army Dude: Oh. Well, of course I'm happy, there's a lot of stuff to be happy about in the military. There's the clothes, the food--
Scott Thunder: You don't understand. They were afraid that you were so light on your feet that you'd come out of your boots.
Paramecium: They thought if they dropped the soap in the shower, you'd see to it that they'd never be able to sit down again.
Korpral: They were afraid that you were going to wear a dress on the battlefield and distract all the privates.
Army Dude: I can't believe you would do this to me! I loved serving my country and you took that away from me! Why would you betray me like that!?
Korpral: Because. Everyone was making fun of you. You didn't realize it, but every time you left the room, guys were impersonating you and cracking jokes and they were planning on playing pranks on you, and I couldn't let them do that. I knew the only way to stop the ridicule was to have you discharged.
Army Dude: I didn't care what those ignorant guys did! All I cared about was that I was doing something I loved and felt good about and then I was gone! I was discharged, and it was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me babay!
Korpral: More humiliating then the jokes, the ridicule and the pranks?
Army Dude: More humiliating then everything combined! And it's your fault! I can't believe it! I'm outa' here!
Army Dude began balling like a girl and pranced away.
Paramecium: Why did you (Korpral) wait so long to tell him?
Korpral: I wanted to tell him sooner but I couldn't get up the nerve. When I came back from active duty, I turned on the TV and there he was, wrestling like a fruitcake, and constantly losing. I knew I had to do something to help him so I joined the T.W.O. and helped him get his career back on track. But it was eating me up inside. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't do it alone. Thank you for letting me be on your show.
Then Army Dude came prancing back to the ring.
Army Dude: Babay! I can't even look at you right now! But I have something to give you.
Army Dude handed Korpral a piece of paper then skipped away.
Paramecium: What does it say?
Korpral: It says that Army Dude has challenged me to a Bootcamp Match at Rage Party '03 next week and it's been signed by the T.W.O. Board of Commissioners!
Scott Thunder: I hate those guys!
Korpral: Wait, there's more. It says here, that "tonight, at Dangerzone 90, Paramecium & Scott Thunder will be in tag team action. Only, not as partners. Scott Thunder & Spaz will face Paramecium & Stryknieghn in a one-time-only tag team attraction in tonight's main event."
Paramecium: The Board of Commissioners must be crazy. Instead of paring me and you together, they're pairing us with our opponents at Rage Party '03!
Scott Thunder: What kind of @$$backwards match is that?
There you have it folks. Tonight, in a bizarre pairing Scott Thunder & Spaz will face Paramecium & Stryknieghn in tag team action. Then at Rage Party '03 next week, Army Dude and Korpral will fight in a Bootcamp Match!
Tag Team Championships
The Trash Wrassla's
In an epic PPV worthy match-up, The Acronyms challenged The Trash Wrassla's for tag team gold. The Acronyms hadn't held the tag belts in nearly 4 years, and that was another incarnation of the Acronyms. These Acronyms (P.A.B. & D.M.S.) were primed for victory and gave The Trash Wrassla's a run for their money, eventually dethroning the Tag Team Champions.
Winners: The Acronyms
When Arachnid and John Cynic returned to their dressing room, they were surprised to see a visitor there. Fans watched on the monitors, and as the camera panned around to show that the visitor was Allen Vector. The fans stood up and cheered like crazy.
Arachnid: What are you doing here? Came to wine about how you used to be Champ?
Vector: No. I came to get back my property.
John Cynic: Your property? I've been the one defending this belt for the last couple of weeks. You're the one who walked out on your Championship responsibilities.
Vector: Well, I'm back and I'm ready to give you that HaRdCoRe Title shot, next week at Rage Party '03, and then we'll find out who the true HaRdCoRe Champion is around here.
Arachnid: You can't just come in here like you own the place.
Vector: And brother. I have a note here from the T.W.O. Board of Commissioners which states that due to your dubious actions in the past, including what you did in Cynic's match earlier tonight, you will be barred from ringside at Rage Party!
Arachnid: You can't do that!
Vector: I didn't do that, the Board did. If you have a problem, take it up with them.
There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Who is the true HaRdCoRe Champion? We'll find out at Rage Party '03!
Tsunami vs. Missy Maniac
For weeks, Tsunami has been tearing up the Women's Division. Tonight she faces Champion Missy Maniac for the gold in yet another PPV worthy match. In the end, the Women's Champion proved herself once again.
Winner: Missy Maniac
The Acronyms danced in their dressing room to the sounds of Linkin Park as they drank champagne and celebrated their victory over the former Tag Team Champions.
We then cut to a shot of the Trash Wrassla's drinking beer in their dressing room, square dancing to the sounds of a country music ho-down. Why? Because they're hillbillies.
Spaz & Scott Thunder
Paramecium & Stryknieghn
Our main event featured Paramecium & Scott Thunder in action for the first time since Redemption '03. The difference tonight, was that they were not wrestling as tag team partners. Instead, their new partners had been chosen by the Board of Commissioners. The match was... unusual to say the least as neither team really worked well together.
Fans cheered like mad until both Paramecium & Scott Thunder were tagged in. Then a hush filled the backyard as onlookers wondered if they would see the two men battle.
Instead, Paramecium & Scott Thunder turned around and assaulted their partners.
The match then spilled outside the ring and all over the backyard as all four members used weapons and performed spectacularly daring and brutal maneuvers on one another.
In the end, Paramecium & Scott Thunder both pinned the members of the opposite team, meaning Paramecium pinned Spaz and Thunder pinned Stryknieghn for the 1-2-3. But which team won? Who the hell knows. But Paramecium and Thunder raised each other's hands victoriously.
Winners: Paramecium & Scott Thunder ???
Ladies and Gentlemen, you don't want to miss Rage Party '03 as Paramecium battles Stryknieghn inside a steal cage, and Scott Thunder battles Spaz for No. 1 Contendership at our next PPV. It's Rage Party '03 and it's next.